"A Brief History of Bethesda" OR: A Curated Selection of Stories, Hearsay, Interpretations, and True Tall Tales Told in the Days While the World Waits for Game of the Year STARFIELD to Go Gold.
"A Brief History of Bethesda"
OR: A Curated Selection of Stories, Hearsay, Interpretations, and True Tall Tales Told in the Days While the World Waits for Game of the Year Starfield to Go Gold
202X: STARFIELD
HOLLYWOOD, CA: P.R. Man Peter Hines stands before an energized audience. The venue is the Dolby Theater, a bona fide institution in the entertainment industry. Ordinarily it’s home to prestigious events like the Academy Awards and America’s Got Talent, but today it’s home to Bethesda.
And Bethesda’s Bad Boy Peter has just put his feet on the couch by revealing that the hotly anticipated Elder Scrolls VI: Redfall is now simply Redfall, a multiplayer game about vampires made by the studio best known for the defunct Half-Life 2 spin-off Return to Ravenholm.
The community was right, Peter admits. The way they poured over an inscrutable 12 seconds of prerendered TES VI teaser footage, matching terrain features to maps from 20-year-old CD cases, finding trademarks for "REDFALL", reflecting on the way shadows work…it was truly impressive. But now it’s a game about vampires.
"ELDER SCROLLS!" the crowd demands.
“Well I’ve got some Skyrim for you. Would that work?” Cheers. “I just need to remember where I put it…” He pats down his pants pockets. The crowd is charged. Now all Peter needs to do is give them one good poke. “Oh I remember. We only have to go…” he glances offstage and nods “…into space.”
On cue, a lanky child or impossibly waifish man jumps on stage. His head is an autumnal thicket of red and orange. He wears a shimmering silver jumpsuit with the word “SPACE” embroidered on it. A spaceman from the future?
No, this person is too familiar; this person is of our time.
The theater darkens. Enormous screens flanking the stage begin playing videos set to the familiar opening orchestral riffs of Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”. Peter gestures and a moonrock sealed in Lucite starts making its way through the audience. “Take a look and then pass it on…pass it on. Share with your neighbor.”
The screens are playing a short clip of a futuristic setting: a spaceship, a sandwich; an astronaut presses various buttons. “Look at that sandwich,” the spaceman points out. “Oh look, look, look.” And then more quietly, almost to himself, “look at that cheese.”
Several more inspirational images cycle through at the end of the trailer: stills of Tom Hanks from Apollo 13, concept art from 2017’s Prey, and finally a title card that reads “STARFIELD”.
Peter places his hands on the spaceman’s shoulders. “That’s some great stuff, Todd. I know we can't wait to have Starfield in our homes later this year. Let’s have another round of applause for Todd Howard, everybody."
2011, 2016, 2017, 2021: SKYRIM
And Bethesda’s Bad Boy Peter has just put his feet on the couch by revealing that the hotly anticipated Elder Scrolls VI: Redfall is now simply Redfall, a multiplayer game about vampires made by the studio best known for the defunct Half-Life 2 spin-off Return to Ravenholm.
The community was right, Peter admits. The way they poured over an inscrutable 12 seconds of prerendered TES VI teaser footage, matching terrain features to maps from 20-year-old CD cases, finding trademarks for "REDFALL", reflecting on the way shadows work…it was truly impressive. But now it’s a game about vampires.
Pictured: Actual evidence of Redfall's existence as a TES game I am not making this shit up
"ELDER SCROLLS!" the crowd demands.
Peter paces back and forth across the stage. Peter is like a caged tiger. An angry fan once called him Boethiah (the Elder Scroll’s prince of deceit) but he dismissed the charge as “nerd shit”—something he had no time for. The only “canon” he cares about is the one he’s building on his back deck to shoot at the moon and leave his mark on mankind.
When they shout at him, he cups a hand to his ear to egg them on. They’re in his house, not the other way around. He flexes and grins and struts around, building up anticipation like static electricity. Cheers or jeers, they feed him all the same.
When they shout at him, he cups a hand to his ear to egg them on. They’re in his house, not the other way around. He flexes and grins and struts around, building up anticipation like static electricity. Cheers or jeers, they feed him all the same.
“Well I’ve got some Skyrim for you. Would that work?” Cheers. “I just need to remember where I put it…” He pats down his pants pockets. The crowd is charged. Now all Peter needs to do is give them one good poke. “Oh I remember. We only have to go…” he glances offstage and nods “…into space.”
On cue, a lanky child or impossibly waifish man jumps on stage. His head is an autumnal thicket of red and orange. He wears a shimmering silver jumpsuit with the word “SPACE” embroidered on it. A spaceman from the future?
No, this person is too familiar; this person is of our time.
The theater darkens. Enormous screens flanking the stage begin playing videos set to the familiar opening orchestral riffs of Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”. Peter gestures and a moonrock sealed in Lucite starts making its way through the audience. “Take a look and then pass it on…pass it on. Share with your neighbor.”
The screens are playing a short clip of a futuristic setting: a spaceship, a sandwich; an astronaut presses various buttons. “Look at that sandwich,” the spaceman points out. “Oh look, look, look.” And then more quietly, almost to himself, “look at that cheese.”
Several more inspirational images cycle through at the end of the trailer: stills of Tom Hanks from Apollo 13, concept art from 2017’s Prey, and finally a title card that reads “STARFIELD”.
Peter places his hands on the spaceman’s shoulders. “That’s some great stuff, Todd. I know we can't wait to have Starfield in our homes later this year. Let’s have another round of applause for Todd Howard, everybody."
2011, 2016, 2017, 2021: SKYRIM
2015: FALLOUT 4
Mere months before Fallout 4's widely-anticipated release, Bethesda revealed that Fallout 4 was their largest game ever--so large, in fact, that the developers themselves hadn't actually seen it in its entirety.
"It was difficult to provide voiced dialogue for the protagonist while leaving other characteristics up to the player." Bethesda initially experimented with completely prewritten character--including a program known as the "Four Frasers". The four proposed backstories were based on Brendan Fraser films "Blast From the Past", "Encino Man", "In the Army Now", and "Son in Law".
The only surviving Fraser draft is "Encino Man" which, despite not being greenlit, lives on in the finished game as a side quest called "Kid in a Fridge".
2008: FALLOUT 3
Hideo Kojima's famous "Hideosyncrasies" Twitter thread, in which the avant-garde auteur lambasted Fallout 3's Little Lamplight for being bizarre and unrealistic.
Bizarre and unrealistic.
2006: OBLIVION
"Truly," wrote Pagliarulo, "I was the Fire Atronach to Kirkbride's Frost Atronach."
2002: MORROWIND
Art.
1996: TERMINATOR: SKYNET
Hanging up on Howard's wall is proof of the first time he met The Original Iron Man.
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